Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in wintermoon_snow's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]

Friday, April 17th, 2009
3:03 am	I danced wtih 3 women! Not 1, but 3! Today was perfect and I'm so happy I can sleep! Maybe...I've once again crossed the threshold where I'm so tired I'm not sleepy. I was in such a bad mood after yesterday...my brother kept turning off the power while I was watching 24 'cuz I had the TV up too loud but didn't realize it and he was being too much of an ass to come to me and ask politely to turn the volume down. I had been depressed earlier that night over stupid thoughts involving Lisa and so I drank a nice cold Sapporo last night to drown my sorrows. Things went much better today though. I spoke with Alex this morning over Aim. We talked about what we were up to and music theory and I told him I'm going to next weekend's concert. I'm so happy he said that he can't wait to see me. If there's anyone I'd go back to being straight for...it would be him, and only him. I visited Christina and met her friend Jessie and we all hung out at the great mall till Jessie had work. Then I brought Christina over to my part of town to Valley Fair and Westgate mall. I decided I really needed something with a rainbow that I could wear to show my pride so I bought a wristband from Hot Topic that's black with a triangular rainbow. Good thing is they were having a buy one get the 2nd half off so I got a wristband with music notes (it's black, white, neon green, and neon pink). I called Shane to ask if he knew whether or not he could come to the "coming out over coffee" meetup with the group tomorrow but he has to work. He was close to my place on his bike so I asked him to come over and told him I'd drive him to the fabric store and PetCo, where he said he needed to go. We went for food at Taco Bell afterward which made the decision that I'd totally drink tonight and that even though I had fast food it'd be okay because I'm exercising tomorrow and having a smoothie. I went over to Hunters as usual, which is always good. I was stupid happy that Lisa asked if I was going tonight. We met up at our usual time. I decided to have a drink this time since I hadn't had one last time, so I got a Cosmopolitan, after Leonna told me it's sweet. We talked until Lisa got there. I'm really really happy because she and I were able to talk a lot tonight. I had been worried last week because conversation dried up so fast...but tonight was just perfect! Laughing with her really brightened me. Somehow we ended up talking about our ages... "How old are you again?" she asked. "22" I answered. "What's 38 minus 22?" "16" "Gosh, what did I do with my life all these years? I was first driving when you were born. I'm old enough to be your Mother, lol" "LOL, age doesn't bother me. Sometimes I feel so young..." "It's not your being young that bothers me, it's that I'm old. Where did my life go?" Convo went something like that. I can't even remember all we talked about....but somewhere in there we spoke of dancing because Karen had asked me to dance. She said it was really nice of her and I said how I was surprised because I wouldn't think people would ask me to dance but she said that she bet if I was there alone someone would probably ask me to dance. It made me really happy that she said that. Samare came to the club for the first time tonight and she asked me to dance. It was awesome! Gawd...I wanted to put my hands on her waist but I'm not sure what she's comfortable with so I just kept them to myself. Lisa asked me if I wanted to dance, too! What a lucky night for me! 3 women asked me to dance-not one, but 3! The part that's a bit nervous for me sometimes is looking someone in the eyes while dancing. There's something so intense about each person's eyes connecting that I can't explain. I'm glad that Lisa's feeling a lot better than she was last week. I finally did what I wanted and held the door for her when we were coming back into the club from the patio space outside. Go me! And...I think I can almost tell her how I feel. I'm not sure if it's too early to say anything...but I'm worried if I don't say something soon enough someone else will get her. *shrug* We stayed till closing, 2 AM...she said she parked on 4th street and I asked if she wanted a ride to her car but she said no, that she likes to walk. She told me she had a good time and thanked me for dancing with her...and needless to say, this made me sooooo happy! So...I'm in great spirits before going to bed! ^___^ I need sleep really badly now so I'm off! Current Mood: happy Current Music: pandora radio (Comment on this)
Friday, April 3rd, 2009
1:34 pm	Dissapointed I sit here at 3:42 journaling to you, tired and not tired as I've been awake for so long I've crossed the threshold. Just got back from a night out at Hunters. When I first got there I ran into Leonna and then I saw Karen as soon as I walked in. We talked a bit. I'm really happy to be getting to know her. I found out that she likes to write a lot. Lisa showed up at our meet time and joined us. It was very awkward for me for some reason...I wasn't sure what to talk about...I'd look at her and laugh when the group would say something funny...I kept trying to keep with the convos though, from fetishes to school to traveling...eventually Karen and Marion went outside to have a smoke and Leonna went to get a drink so it left Lisa and I alone. It's so much easier to talk to her one-on-one. I found out she's no longer seeing who she was seeing, due to some incident. I expressed my sympathies but she said she wasn't sorry. I thought how great it is for me now,haha. She ended up asking me if I liked Karen and I said "Relationship-wise no, but I think she's a nice person." If only she knew...*sigh* I ended up meeting more people that night. Too many for me to remember all the names....Jemma, Veronica, Angie, Lory...okay maybe my brain's not as dead as I thought. Akilah came to the bar, too, and we all got to dancing. I was happy they played "if u seek amy" by Britney Spears and "closer" by Ne-yo. At some point it was announced that cosmos or maybe it was Kamikaze...I'm still debating it...were $5, which lured Lisa into buying a lot of drinks. I knew she was drunk when we were all outside and she kept laughing every 5 seconds while smoking her cigarette and saying borderline-strange things. It scared me a bit. I don't really know how to handle being around drunk people...She, Akilah, and I went to Denny's to have some food cuz we were pretty much starving. Or at least I was, having not eaten for the past 5 hours and staying at Hunters until it closed (which was 2AM). We ordered and Lisa wasn't seen for the rest of the morning because she was in the bathroom. She wasn't even able to come out to eat her food. I was so worried. I really hate when people I know get so plastered that they spend all their time in the bathroom...I learned a lot about Akilah though. We both agree on age differences not being a really big deal. She's the only one so far in the group who's closest to me in age. I think Jemma said she was 24 or 25, but I'm not entirely sure if she's part of the group or not. Anyway, we checked up on Lisa and she still wasn't quite doing so well yet so we went to wait outside near the front of the restaurant. Akilah suggested that she should probably take me back to my car so I could get home but I told her, "No, it's fine. I've got all the time in the world." "But you've finished eating," she replied. "And you probably want to go to sleep. There's not really any reason for you to have to sit around." "But I'd feel bad. I wanna make sure Lisa's okay." "That's sweet." If there ever was a time my feelings were obvious, probably that moment right thar. I was really really worried how on earth she was going to get home in that condition. We all drove ourselves there so....*shrug* I honestly didn't think she'd be able to sober up in time to drive herself back to Mountain View. Eventually Akilah did drive me back to my car and I told her to make sure Lisa got home safe. I was really dissapointed. When people drink and get that plastered I feel like they're being really irresponsible. It's such a huge fucking turn off... but I'm gonna call her in the morning to make sure she's okay. (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 2nd, 2009
7:22 pm	Busy Bee Tuesday I hung out with the girls at Campbell Billiards where we played pool for 3 and a half hours and I lost every single game I played, lol. I did seem to get better each round. It was lady's night which meant pool was free for women! W00t w00t! Hooray for saving money! I discovered that I play left-handed, even though I'm right-handed. Dunno why that is but I've always played that way. *shrug* It was lots of fun, needless to say. I was the first to arrive, followed by Karen, Lisa, Marion (hah, I know how to spell her name now!), and then the others eventually. Karen has supposedly learned a lot from playing pool online a la Yahoo pool. I played Marion and lost, then Karen said she'd beat her the next round. They went to go have a smoke toward the end so I never actually found out who won because by the time they came back I was conversing with someone originally from Australia and then they were playing another round. Karen asked if I wanted to play one with her and I said I would in just a moment but me and the woman from Australia (I can't remember her name, sorry) kept talking and I didn't think it was going to go on as long as it did. I really did want to play Karen though, as I felt she was someone I was starting to get to know a little. Leonna came over to us and the woman I was talking to explained I was telling my life story and we eventually got to talking about music and I said I listen to a lot of Japanese rock, which uncovered the fact that Leonna took Japanese in high school. She's having a b-day party in 2 weeks at Cal Skate, then we're all heading over to Savoy. I'm so excited! It'll be my 3rd gay bar (although this one is exclusively a lesbian bar). I played a few rounds against Lisa and two rounds with Anne-Marie before we all started to head home. Hung out with Lonny last night, as usual. We went over to the Cheesecake factory before watching United States of Tara. We were both sad to discover that the night's episode was the season finale so now we're trying to figure out what we can watch in place of it until it returns. I spent today hanging out with my high school friend Christina. I drove over to her house and helped her figure out a program for the computer called MyVoice, in which you can dampen/remove vocals from CD tracks or mp3s. I have this program myself but I lost the CD so she let me borrow hers. While we were there I played with her niece Vicky. She doesn't remember me of course because the last time I saw her was about 2 years ago when she was just a baby and now she's 2-going-on-3. She's so cute! I keep saying I no longer want to have a kid because I don't want to deal with childbirth and I don't want to be responsible for someone else's life, but when I actually get to interacting with little kids I remember just how much I love them, and that maybe it wouldn't be so bad. I don't mind playing with other peoples kids and I don't think I'd mind too much now dating someone who has a kid, but I still don't think I'd actually have one myself. Tonight I'm heading back to Hunters to chill with Lisa and probably a few of the others from the group. Sunday I'll be going to my first meet-up for Artemis, a lesbian volunteer group. Leonna's one of the organizers. We're going to be picking fruit from the backyards of those who can't pick it themselves and donating them to hunger organizations. So far it seems Marion will be the only person I know there, but I'm sure I'll be able to make friends easily. As I told Grandma the other day, I feel like I'm actually living my life now. ^__^ I'm so happy to be involved in so much! *hugs life* Grandma said that my Uncle is back at home from the hospital and doing better and his wife's friends are helping her take care of him. Well, that's it for now. I'm gonna go finish my laundry and getting fixed up for the club, whose playing of "Just Dance" has made me think that maybe Lady Ga Ga isn't as bad as I'm convinced she is. Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: "No Gringo" Vienna Teng (Comment on this)
Saturday, February 7th, 2009
12:00 am	Strange dream + work + school Last night I dreamt that I was at my Grandma's house. I was with my Grandma in her room and there was this blue and red bird that was there. like...the top half of him was blue and the bottom half was red. We tried to go over to it...and it ended up landing on my left eyelid. It was a lot tinier at that point. I went into the bathroom and tried to poke it to get it to get off my eye but it only moved an inch or so. I continued to poke it and it moved, but it's beak (which was long and pointy) got stuck in my right eye and then eventually the whole bird got stuck in there! I was able to get it out...but it was difficult...then I woke up. Gawd, that's one of the strangest dreams I've had in a long while! On Wednesday I called the president of the GSA (Gay Straight Alliance) to ask if the club would be meeting, since she told me they meet the first and third wednesday of every month. Well, she told me there are only 3 members! I was shocked and a little dissapointed beacuse I was hoping this would be an opportunity for me to meet more poeple and find a support group, ya know? She even asked me if I wanted to be an officer. I can't remember the title but she said that person goes to the school club meetings (on thursdays)...but I said I might nto be able to cuz of work..b.ut I want to learn more about it first. I might reconsider. So, we hella need to recruit! She asked if I'd be okay trying to get people to join, passing out flyers. I don't have a problem with it. I'm hoping will get to talk more about things soon and come up with ideas. I tried to ask Shane if he could join but he has classes...I really hope we can find people. The other day at the mall one of the security guards, Victor, who my co-workers and I made acquantance with, came in to talk to me. He asked me for my phone number, and I gave it to him, thinking it wouldn't hurt. I have a hard time saying no to people, but he's actually really nice. Still, I had this problem with a security guard a year ago who I gave my e-mail to and he was set on dating me and even when I told him no, was very persistent with me, to the point where I had to talk to his boss about it,cuz he'd come into my job and bother me all the time (damn, I think that's a run-on sentence). I don't think this will happen but I'm still weary. After it all happend I said to myself "Why did you just do that?" I'm hoping he just wants to be friends. Why do I keep making friends with guys? No offense, guys can make great friends, but I have way too many of those already! Not that I want to let go of the ones I have, cuz they're all pretty damned awesome..I'm just saying, girls should have a good amount of girl friends, too! And I don't have many! Grrr! So frustrating! My friend said most girls he knows havea lot of guy friends and few girl friends cuz they see other girls as competition, which I think is hella fucking stupid, and I don't see things that way at all. I mean...if people never made freinds with their own gender, woudln't they get lonely and a bit upset they can't share things that the same sex would understand? Well anyway...so I was telling Laura today about the security guard and she said "Well, that doesn't surprise me."  "Really?" I asked. "Why's that?" " 'Cuz you're pretty." I put my hands on the cutting table and rested my head face-first onto them. Laura laughed and said "You walked right into that one." I laughed, too, still not believing she said that. She later commented on how Shane wore his hair down at work yesterday night and it made her happy. That's how I feel when she wears her hair down, course I could never say that, cuz I'd just sound like some creepy weirdo. I offered her a ride home since it was raining and I didn't want her to walk in it, like she did the day before. I told her she and Shane should've called me cuz I was nearby. She said she'd mentioned to Shane that if I found out they walked home in the rain I'd be mad, lol. Which is true, cuz if I can help I want to, especially since it takes Shane at least an hour, maybe more to walk home. I don't want my friends getting sick or anything. Well anyway...after work we drove to get food from Wendy's and I chilled at her house for a while, where we watched her brother play Halo. I asked her what she's doing Sunday since we both have that day off and we've planned to go to Good Will and the Hancock Fabrics on Blossom Hill, which brings me to something good. I successfully drove in the rain today, while it was dark! I drove to the Hancock there for some knit sequin fabric. I bought this nice lavender button-up collar shirt from good will the other day and got an idea from something I saw online and put the silver sequin fabric on the collar and the cuffs of the sleeves. They have beautiful fleece panels hanging at the blossom hill store! I saw one with dolphins and it made me think of my sister. I'm thinking when I next get paid I'll go visit there and get it for her. Tomorrow my brother's gonna help me do my tax return (or rather, you can say he's doing it for me. I know, I should learn to do it myself, I'm bad. :P lol...) My Dad told me he got like $600 back! O_o holy fucking shit I hope I get near that much! then I could pay my Dad for bills, put some in my savings, and use some towards voice lessons or the Carnegie trip. I shouldn't have because I technically should've stopped spending my money $50 ago...but I just bought Vienna Teng's Inland Territory album, which was just released in Germany and won't be released here in the states until like....March. Obviously, I can't wait. And this is my b-day month dammit, so it's like a b-day present to myself. Yeah, I just keep coming up with excuses to justify my spending. I listened to the samples online and I'm so excited! She's evolved so much as an artist, and I can really hear Alex's influence in certain tunes. Shane's boyfriend, Miko, made me bracelets! I was so excited! They're all neon and one says my name while the other one says Dir en Grey. That was so sweet of him! I wish I could do something in return, but I don't know what. It got me to thinking if I had a girlfriend what kinds of things would I make for her? Shane makes Miko clothes sometimes (and I think that's really cute!)...I thought if I made anything for my girlfriend, it'd probably be pajamas...or at least pajama pants, or maybe a skirt. Maybe a kimono, cuz those are fun! Gotta get one first though. It's hard to meet poeple though. Haven't had much luck online and I dont' want to have to go to a gay club all the time to try to meet people (well i dont' want to have to go alone all the time. Shane's not old enough to go with me and I don't have any girls who could go with me...), and those things are mostly men anyway. I guess I have to find a way to make it look like I like girls...Maybe rainbow necklaces and bracelets...maybe my fauxhawk..I admit, that's why I started wearing one. I thought it gives off that "she's gay" look *shrug* I dunno, lol, don't make fun of me. K i'm going to bed. Night night! (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 3rd, 2009
11:32 am	Money Dream and First day of School Money and first day of school Note: This entry is for 2/2/09 Last night I dreamt I found a black backpack lying around with a shitload of money. there were a few hundred dollar bills and one bill for $245,000 O_o which I was skeptical about being real. I kept askign people "does this kind of bill even exist?" and they kept trying to assure me it does. However, when I held the bill to the light I discovered it was a counterfeit as the back looked like those receipts you get from the bank or the papers you fill out when you're making a deposit. I was so bummed! My first day of school rocked! I only have 2 classes each day in the mornings and the rest of the day to do pretty much whatever I want. My first class was Fundamentals of music theory and I was really excited to see that a lot of people I knew were taking it with me. The teacher's a Chinese dude named J Lin, and I'll be honest and say he's as funny as he is handsome (which is quite). The cool thing is he's also my teacher for the performance class! I'm really looking forward to both, more than before, cuz he's just that cool. Second class was piano, which I share with two students who are also in my fundamentals class and were in my piano class last semester as well. The class was overflowing with students, so much that not everybody had chairs! Hella people on the waiting list, but a lot of people didn't show up either. We were warned to sign up for classes early and I signed up the very first chance I was given. The teacher did something really interesting at the end of going over the syllabus where she left the room and had those of us who'd taken her class before make our presence known to the newer students and we'd answer the questions they have about the class. I was shy about it and didn't actually raise my hand...neither did my classmate Alex, which meant that Matt (one out of 2 who raised their hands) ended up answering questions. There were only 3, still I felt a bit guilty for not wanting to participate. I was surpirsed at how many people from the previous semester weren't returning to take the next course! Though there's a possiblity they're taking it with someone else and/or on a different day. *shrug* Went to the mall to buy some fabric so I can make a vest for Valentine's Day. Yeah, I'm gonna do it! Dunno if I want to wear pants or a skirt with it though....if I could wear a skirt I want to make a short one, but then I wouldn't be able to wear it to work...so maybe I'll make pants with skirt flaps at the top... *shrug* I want to add lace when I get a chance but the good stuff is expensive, so we'll see. If it weren't for the fact that my voice teacher is not making me have lessons this week, I wouldn't have decided to buy any fabric, but it was half off and in the end totaled to a little over $6, which isn't bad at all. I'll probably get down to business tomorrow. Which reminds me, I should also buy my book for the theory class. I'm so happy I only have one book to buy this semester (at about $30)! Hooray for classes with no books and those that let you use the same book as the previous semester but the latter half! Hung out with Mary (a co-worker) for a while sine she was going to take her break. We walked over to the Burger King across the street and she paid for me. I sometimes worry I'm going to end up taking advantage of her kindness someday, even though she's always making the offers and I'm not asking her to get me these things. I'm not eating right at all. Need more veggies and fruits in my life. I've discovered I rather like oranges now...so I might go out and buy those and apples. As for veggies, not sure what I'd want...but perhaps I should start buying packs of salad...but it's probably a lot healthier to buy the ingredients raw and make my own. I've eaten so much fast food in the past...2 weeks... and I think it's catching up with me now. Went over to Lonny's for the weekly L word watch. OMG he brought me back candy from Vancouver ! XD It's like eating pure sugar, but it's maple sugar! So yummy! Thanks again, Lonny! I wonder if I can buy these online somewhere... (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 1st, 2009
7:11 pm	Mustaches and Angels Drove to San Francisco for Sony's party at Barricuda, mustache and all. I made a thin mustache and goatee inspired by Billy Ray Cyrus out of some fake fur I found at the fabric store (bought only an inch at $.25 cents!) and applied it with body tape. I considered toothpaste (cuz that was sticky enough to at least hold it when I was trying out how things would look), but it makes my skin tingle and I didn't really want to keep it on (but at least I'd smell minty fresh, right? LOL). Parking was a bitch, as always. I drove around the block at least 3 times and finally parked near someone's house on16th street I think it was. I felt so lucky to have found somewhere! Gawd, does anybody in Frisco ever drive anywhere? There's never parking anywhere, unless you maybe go to a parking garage, and I really didn't have time to look for one. I called Sony when I got there and when I was outside of the place. I saw her through the doorway and walked in and was seated at a table of 35 people, mostly female. Had a bit of a hard time trying to talk to people. It's always awkward when I don't know anyone. I talked a lot with the girl next to me, though. I don't remember her name, but she seemed really cool. She's originally from Africa and now lives in San Francisco. When I ask "are you from here?" people always think I'm talking about the country or state, but I'm meaning the very city we're in. I eventually started talking to some of the poeple sitting across from me. Everyone seemed pretty chill. I was indeed the youngest one there, just as I suspected I'd be. -__- I thought I finally grew out of that. Normally when I'm hanging with my high school friends I'm in the group of older people at events, but oh well. The girl sitting next to me let me try her food (some kind of eggs benedict with crab) and I let her try mine too. I ordred some kind of sushi with mango and blueberry sauce. I woofed it down which shocked the people around me and I'm just like "I didn't eat before coming here, so I'm kinda starving" ^^; Everyone took lots of pictures. I made sure to do so as well. Sony would come by my end of the table every now and then to see how everyone was doing and how our food was. At one point in time she came over and put her hands on my shoulers and was asking the people around me if she'd told them about me. She said "This girl's got some big cojones! (which confirmed my thought of her being Mexican. For those who don't know, the term means "testicles"). She knew about the L word premiere here two weeks ago and didn't have any lesbian friends so she drove here all by herself!" It's nice knowing someone thinks highly of me like that. :) After everything at Barracuda, we walked on over to The Lookout. I had been talking with this guy so I went with him to go get cigarettes and while outside another person from the party introduced herself. Her name was Gram and she had on this really cool thin mustache, same as the look I was going for but I thought hers was much better. She hella reminded me of Max from L Word. Trini, Sony's cousin, saw us outside and was like "what are you doing?" And I told her "we stopped to get some stuff" before following her into the club. Didn't have to pay a cover! YAY! I was surprised it wasn't as crowded as the first time I went. I hung around Jen, one of the girls who was sitting across from me at Barracuda. I didn't want to drink, but I was pondering getting a corona. Didn't buy one, but Jen let me try her drink , but I don't remember what the hell it was called. It tasted all right, kinda likea watered down vodka, but vanilla-y. When we all first got there we couldn't find Sony and her cousin started to worry a bit. She eventually showed up, but soon after there seemed to be some kind of argument going on between her and her girlfriend. I don't know what was said but I could tell in their body language that something wasn't right. In the end the group decided to leave the bar because it was kinda boring and we walked over to some other bar. I talked more with Jen. She's from Hayward, which is awesome cuz if I want to hang out it's not too far a distance from my place. She was asking me about if I'm out and all that and I told her "Well, some friends know, but that's about it. I felt like I had to say something."  "Is it because you have a girlfirend?" she asked, curious. "No," I said before letting out a chuckle. "I don't have a girlfriend." "You've never been with a girl?" "No, not yet. I'm still a virgin, too!" "What?!"  "LOL, I probably shouldn't have told you that..." "Okay, I'm going to get you laid. It's my mission. What kind of girls do you like?"  I ended up telling her about my hatred for sports, cept that I like Badminton which lead her to ask me "Are you Asian or something?!" I laughed so hard. That's the 2nd time I've gotten that kind of repsonse. "You don't really drink..." She said, "you don't do sports...you don't have sex...what the hell do you do?"  I laughed and said "I sew. I made the vest I'm wearing!"  "No way! Really? That's kewl!" She gave me a high five, and I told her that I also like to write music and she expressed her love for musicals. After a bit more of talking I decided to leave. Nothing much was going on and I was getting bored, and Sony had been taken home by her cousin because she was so fucking wasted. :( Her own party and she leaves before everyone else! I went to see Kristen (her girlfriend) before leaving and she said she was glad I was able to make it and told me to get back home safely. I went to go find my car. I was afraid I'd forgotten where it was, but I knew I'd parked it somewhere near Market and 17th street. I found it no problem, with a note attached to the front. "Oh SHIT! What's that?" I hurried to the dashboard to retreive it and discovered it thankfully was not a parking ticket, but a warning from somone named Sanchez (well that's how they signed it at the bottom) that I was parked in her driveway and that if I didn't move by 9:00 pm my car would be towed. Some angel must be looking out for me! O_o She wrote the message at 5, literally only about 10 minutes before I got to my car. There's some kind of pink smudge on the corner, looks like lipstick but not like lip prints. OMG first day of school tomorrow! I'm gonna try and finish going through the rest of the L word book I borrowed. Ciao!   (Comment on this)
Saturday, January 31st, 2009
7:46 pm	It's been a while since I felt like this... Today is Sony's b-day so I called her this morning to leave her a Happy Birthday message. I had this crazy lump in my throat and I wasn't sure I'd be able to speak. It's been a while since I've been that nervous. She ended up calling me right as I was about to go back to the work floor from break, causing me to have an almost-heart attack. I picked up but we had a bad connection and couldn't hear each other. The call ended and I pleaded with Shane to give me 5 more minutes and I'd be back on the floor. I called Sony back and at first she wasn't sure who I was. "Who is this?" "Shana. We met at the L word premiere." "Oh hey! What's up?" "Just working. You?" "Today's my B-day." "Yeah, I left you a message earlier." "Oh, thanks! Hey, I'm having a get-together tomorrow." "I'm not sure about my schedule yet cuz my boss hasn't posted it. I gotta get back to work but I'll talk to you later." The convo was something like that. Is it ever okay to remember conversations in detail like that? lol...Well anyway...I went back to working and checked my phone when business was slow and saw that she'd sent me a couple of texts and even left me a voicemail. I stood in the breakroom leaned against the doorway as I anxiously waited for the message from voicemail to start up. She finally recalled our encounter and apologized for the earlier convo, saying she'd worked from like 7AM to 4AM the other day, and was really tired and whatnot. I admit, I got kinda teary-eyed, cuz that's how happy I was. I'm such a dork! :P Then she gave full details on the brunch. It's like a block or two away from The Lookout, and it's a sushi place, which makes me happy cuz I luv sushi! <3 Afterword we're going to The Lookout. I'm so excited! I actually started working on that song for her last night...but I dunno if i'll finish it. I was going to try to make it short, and some kinda classical dance-ish tune since she likes to dance, or seems to. I went to Good Will today and found an "I love NY" shirt for $1.45! Had to buy it since I'll be visiting that place in like...5 months. I'm gonna hella alter it and make it cool! XD I should do laundry but I'm too cold so I'll do it in the morning. The gas is filled up, but I should go to the bank. I really shoudlnt' be spending this money :( But i'll make everything work. Ack! Today at work, I was ringing up this Chinese customer who barely spoke a lick of English. She was trying to use hand motions to explain something to me, and i finally got it and Shane was saying how we dont' need languages to understand each ohter, haha. Well, she had to go get her moneya nd when she came back and paid for it Shane was like "shi shi" and she was like "Bukuchi" and I was like "OMG! I know what she just said! OMG!" lol...and then Shane was trying to tell her about his name in Kanji as "SHI EN". He made this customized vest/jacket thingie and Chiense people keep freaking out when they see it because of the first character "shi" which means "death" and he's been told "oh that's BAD!" but his reason for using it is to go with the character "EN " for garden so "death garden", meaning that you leave your old experiences in the past (as though they're dead) and you grow from them into something better. This woman gave him a new kanji for "shi" that means "hope". I personally think "death garden" sounds a lot cooler but oh well....so our customer from today, as she was thanking me i said 'shi shi" and we all laughed and then she left. It was awesome! XD I love languages! I just got off the phone with Laura not too long ago and she made this comment on how she thinks she talks with me more than she talks with her boyfriend. And i'm just like "hehe, I'm cool!" I was thinking though "Hah! in your face, boyfriend dude!" Aaagh I'm just all over the place right now with feelings. I saw these balloons in Party City with the Stealers (that's her fav. football team) and thought of getting her one but I opted not to. I was looking for a fake moustache...cuz Sony said the party is a moustache party! XD I think in the end i'll end up drawing a fake mustache on with eyeliner or some shit....cuz i can't find a better way to do it. >.< We'll see in the morning. My Great Uncle invited me and my Bro and my dad to his house tomorrow to watch the superbowl but I hadn't got my schedule till just today so I couldn't give him an answer. I didn't want to go though, cuz I hate football, though, honestly if I could watch it with Laura I wouldn't mind. It's one of those things that I don't like but would be willing to watch with/for someone else because they like it. Also, aside from not wanting to watch with with uncle since I hate football, I would be bored beacuse when i'm anywhere with my Dad nad brother they only talk to each other and it's like I'm not even there. I'd hate feeling ignored and bored. It might sound contradictory that I'd want to engage in something I hate for a friend but not for family, but everyone knows things are always different when someone you like is involved. That said, I think I simultaneously like Laura and Sony, and something like that is a first for me. This is just a year of firsts! >.< HAHA! And how coincidental is it that they both are already in relationships? Bu the first is straight, so even if she wasn't in one, it would never happen. *shrug* Well, i'm off to have sweet potato fries! OMG 1 day till school! :D (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 29th, 2009
7:47 pm	Dreams and Adventures I'm back from Monterey! I decided I had to visit my Grandma before school starts next week because I didn't know when I'd get another chance. I drove down to Monterey yesterday after work. There was traffic getting on the freeway to 85 but once I got more towards 101 it died down. Took me almost 2 hours to get to Monterey though, OMG! It usually only takes about half an hour less than that. I got really nervous before leaving work. This happens literally EVERYTIME I'm going somewhere that requires me to get on the freeway. Anywhere from an hour to half an hour before I actually have to get on the road I get nervous and my body just feels ....like it's getting an adrenaline rush or something. Once I actually start driving I'm fine though. I listened to Hamasaki Ayumi's "My Story" Album on the way since it's got like...17 tracks. The sun started setting when I was maybe...half an hour to 40 minutes away from the house and it was spectacular to look it, but it somewhat impaired my vision of the road, dammit! Didn't last for too long, though. My Uncle happened to be visiting my Grandma, too, so it was nice to get to see him as well. He'd been there since like...2 days before I arrived. The three of us spent the night eating good food courtesy of my Grandma and just chatting. The next morning (today) my Grandma had to go to the doctors. I told my uncle about my GPS so we used it to get there. The place was fairly close to the house. Afterward, we went to the nearest drugstore to pick-up my Grandma's medicine then drove around the coast, looking out over the ocean. The weather was so gorgeous today and the sea was beautiful. We returned to Grandma's house and sat around. I napped a bit and then my Uncle and I went to Trader Joe's to look around since he'd never been in one. He gave me a $20 bill and said "Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas." I was so happy! Yay, money! What everyone wants! After we got back to Grandma's we had some beef stew. The meat was so tender-it was perfect! Grandma's house is the only place I get a home-cooked meal. I thought how nice it'd be to just drive there sometimes when I need to get away. So I'm hoping to get a key made for myself sometime. I headed back home after I finished my stew. Wanted to get on the road before I got anymore nervous and I needed to stop by the gas station on the way and that would take up a bit of time. I really wish I could've stayed longer-if I didn't have work tomorrow, I would've. On the way home I took the wrong exit and ended up taking 17 toward Santa Cruz. That road's a bitch! All those turns and twists. It's funny how when I'm the passenger going through there I get a little motion sickness, but driving through it myself didn't effect me. That's the way my Dad didn't want me to take while going to Monterey beacuse he didn't think I could handle it. I guess I've pretty much proved these past two weeks that I can handle anything, while not necessarily meaning or trying to. I stopped by my work to pick something up from a co-worker and get my schedule but my boss didn't put the new schedule up yet and my co-worker forgot what she was going to lend me at home. She's been telling me about this comedian named...Gabriel Iglesias and she was going to let me borrow her DVDs on him. My awesome co-worker Shane happened to walk in and he was wearing this really cool jacket thing that he made with his new sewing machine. I was really impressed-it looks very stylish, unique, and harajuku-japane-esque. I'm inspired to want to sew more things but I don't have the time before school starts. Shane was telling me about how he went over to Orange Julius and one of the girls that worked there was saying hi, and then was asking about where I was. They know us cuz we go there practically every week. So Shane said he asked why she wanted to know where I was and was teasing her about it as if she liked me or something. I won't lie, I was kind of excited when he told me she asked about me. She's kinda cute. Heh, I've been talking about how all these girls are cute lately. I stopped by there for the hell of it to see her but she was somewhere in the back so I went back to my fabric store and waited for Laura to go on lunch break so she, Shane, and I could go to orange julius (she was there that time) and then to Target, where we each bought matching blue bags. They made a big deal out of the fact that I bought something for myself cuz I guess I'm always complaining about things being $10 and not being able to afford it. I told them I've bought plenty of thigns for myself, but they never see it, so I guess to them it doesn't count. I said "You wanna know why I don't buy things anymore? Beacuse i'm paying for bills and Carnegie and voice lessons!" They said it doesn't count as things for myself though, hahha. -__- Shane bought some fabric and I drove him to his boyfriend's house. My GPS kept falling off the windshield. :( Oh well...I didn't really need it that time, it's just my back-up. So, now I'm at home writing this journal whilst listening to Janne Da Arc and drinking iced tea (Brisk). Pretty soon I'll return to the work place to pick up Laura so I can take her to her house to get me the DVDs. I've been working on this theory book my voice teacher told me to get, as well as reading the L Word: welcome to our planet seasons 1 and 2 companion book. I love it! I'm about halfway through and will be able to return it to Lonny the next time we watch the show. I'm so tired :O aaaaaaah.... Had some interesting dreams lately, mostly related to my current thoughts in the wake world. I dreamt a few days ago that I was making out with some chick. We were at someone's house, but I dunno whose. It was fun, though. I later ended up dreaming that I was hanging out with the chick who works at Orange Julius. I don't remember if we acutally did anything though-I think we were just talking. Last night (that or the other night...) I dreamt that I saw Rose Rollins (Tasha) again and was telling her how hott she was on the latest episode of The L Word. O_o I want to see MILK! All right, I'm off to relax. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 27th, 2009
10:21 pm	Supervisor perks + thoughts Since I'm a supervisor at work, I sometimes get to go across the street to do money drops. Yesterday I went in and talked with a really nice bank teller. He had asked about my weekend, as though we'd been friends for some time. Told him what I told everyone, visited my sister in Hayward. I asked about his weekend and he said he had to work but that he would have the next day off. Somehow we got on the topic of cooking, which he says "Is no fun when you're older." He's not that old though-told me he was 24 (without my asking). He said that he tried making beef Stroganov (ist hat how you spell that?) and I told him about my little venture with sweet potato fries, which he said he'd never heard of. I told him he could buy them at Trader Joe's. This is the reason why I really like the people at my Bank of America. They're all really friendly. I know quite a few people who work there 'cuz I used to see them on a weekly basis. However, since I now have direct deposit I rarely have much reason to go in there for banking, unless it has to do with my job. I can say I feel one of the perks of being a supervisor is being able to go to the bank because I'm away for a good 20-30 minutes, hehe. Everyone wants to get away from work at some point, even on a good day.   Sony's b-day is this sunday. I admit I'm a bit sad that I haven't heard back from her after leaving a message to her cell almost a week ago, but I know that people have lives and are busy doing things within those lives. I'm contemplating writing her a song, an instrumental piece, 'cuz for some reason I'm really drawn to those right now. Maybe 'cuz I'm having so much trouble coming up with lyrics these days. But music has the ability to convey emotions and thoughts on its own without lyrics. It would be called "Open Door". At this moment though, I doubt I'd get around to writing anything, or even giving it to her. It would probably end up being a way for me to get my feelings out in some form, but that I'd keep personal. *shrug* I keep dreading the fact that Valentine's Day is coming. While I did have a great Valentine's Day last year (a friend brought me flowers-it was really nice), I've never gotten to spend it with someone who's reciprocated my feelings. At least once, I'd like to not have things be one-sided. I'd love to bake cookies for someone who would really enjoy them. I'm a fool-when I really like someone, I put my heart into doing all kinds of things for that person. I hate being in a lovey-dovey world that reminds me that I'm single. Why does V day have to be 5 days before my b-day? Really, why? LOL. I'm most likely working that day. I had been thinking about making a special outfit just cuz I'm all about going all out with spirit during certain holidays, but I'm not sure I'll have the time or feel up to it. This cute woman was in my store today and she was asking me about how you make a fleece blanket because she was making one for her husband for Valentine's Day. She was so excited about it. She looked young too, but it seems like most people are getting married young these days, so it doesn't surprise me too much. I don't really know the standard age at which people marry, though. I still have no idea wtf I'm doing for my B-day, no idea. I'm thinking I'll do what I did last year and have one get together on my actual B-day and another get together over the weekend. But still, dunno what I'd do. Current Mood: sleepy Current Music: Janne Da Arc (Comment on this)
Monday, January 26th, 2009
12:58 am	Visiting my Sis + L word 6.2 Today I drove to my sister's place in Hayward. I wasn't sure I could do it since I had a panic attack last night trying to get to a friend's friend's house (yes, i meant that twice: like friend of a friend's house). But the weather was great and sunny and I figured, "It's a new day! You are born anew and can drive again! Relax!" At least...that's what I thought after I was finally able to pull myself away from the bathroom (and that's all I'm going to say about that 'cuz I'm sure you don't want to know). I don't think I'd ever been this scared my entire life, seriously. To have a panic attack one day and be so nervous the next that I'm in the bathroom all morning! Aaagh! Anyway...I drove to the gas station to fill up my darling Kaoru (that's my car's name. For those who don't know yet, I have a tendency to name inanimate objects). Afterward I drove to work to give my boss my work schedule for when school starts (next week! O_o OMG)! Shane was the first person I saw when I arrived. I told him all about last night's horrible experience...but he kept telling me it was okay. Randy jokingly asked if I would help them with work today, as well as if I'd drive everyone to San Francisco, lol. Hellz to the NO O_o just cuz...I still need more experience on the road and I dont' wanna put other people in danger of my somtimes lame, terrible driving, lol. I know he's just kidding, though. Ack I have hick-ups! How do I get hick-ups eating ramen? Anyway...oh! speaking of ramen...when my sister and I went to Walmart...they had this ramen that was lime and shrimp flavor ! :O I really want to try it! But getting back to the story (if you can call it that)...gave my boss my schedule and we chatted about the store being so busy the previous day. Rose gave ideas on how we could boost sales and get customers coming back. Talked to Shane one last time before leaving the store and he gave me a hug, and if my memory serves correct, told me to drive okay. Went back home to eat pop tarts, but I ended up only eating half of one cuz I was too nervous to eat. Called my sis to tell her I was on my way and she asked if I wanted my hair done. Of course the answer was yes, so she said she had some mix for a perm but I told her I think I had one and she said to bring it just in case we needed more. I needed something relaxing to listen to while driving and I couldn't decide at first. Paper Raincoat combines the best of my favorites: Alex and Amber-however, the EP only has 4 songs and I wanted a CD with more tracks so I can gauge how close I'm getting to my destination. If I know how long it takes to get somewhere, I can imagine approx. how many tracks that comes to on a CD and it helps me relax. I thought of listening to Vienna...but then I thought that I've never listened to Amber in the car before so Amber it was! She truly is a genius, that woman. All right, so I was feeling confident and motivated. I tried to only listen to the GPS and not look so much at the signs on the screen and focused more on looking at the signs on the actual road. I think I wasn't focusing correctly last night and that's what fucked everything up. Once again my Dad's tip of staying in the middle lane came in handy-it usually always comes in handy since a lot of the times the far right line becomes an exit. I actually went the speed limit today and for some reason...it felt like I was going slower than I was s'pposed to-it was shocking. I safely made it to my sis's house and parked outside on the street. We went to Walmart so she could do some shopping. She was a bit sad because they didn't have the old-school foods she wanted...like the raspberry nutri-grain bars...or the quaker oatmeal with raisins in it. I never knew they made them like that and it's probably cuz they stopped production long ago, haha. I bought some hair tyes (cuz all I have is that one I borrowed from Shane) and then we went to the Subway shop they had inside to order a couple of $5 foot-longs. I had mine with roasted chicken, chipotle sauce, lettuce, tomatoes, and black olives, and cheese (I think it was provalone but I don't know). When we got back to my sis' place, I tore that sandwich up! I ate it so fast my stomach didn't realize I was full until I got to literally the last bite. I had finished it off when my sister only had half of hers. We watched the movie The Color Purple while we ate and while she did my hair. Sometimes I think she should become a hairstylist. She did my hair for prom (into an updo with curls) and it was spectacular! We always make a joke of it when I get my hair done: She pretends to be a friend who asks "Where did you get your hair done?" and I'll say "Shannelle's boutique!" This time I had more material to play with and I added "It's in Hayward on Willow Street!" hahha. I'm definately going to make an effort to try to see her more often, but it's gonna be a bit hard when school starts. I'm still goign to try though. I still would like to visit my Grandma, too, though. I'm really glad I was able to drive there and we were able to spend time together. Hell, I'm glad she's very family oriented. If there's any sibling I could say I'm close to, it's her. I left around 5:30 because I wanted to get home before it got too dark since I'm still a bit uncomfortable driving on the freeway at night. She had wanted to go to the movies but we decided to do so next time I visit. I also wanted to make sure I got home in time to be able to watch L word with Lonny but I didn't want to tell her I had evening plans because the other day she caleld right as I was trying to go to my friend's party and seemed a little dissapointed. She talked about how I have to make the effort to see her, too, and that it's fine I want to hang with my friends but that everytime she calls to do something I'm always doing things. We had planned to hang out and I was supposed to get back to her, and I admit, I did end up forgetting...so that's why I asked to hang with her today since I had a huge huge window of time. I don't know why I didn't think of it the first moment we were talking...so yeah, I didn't want to possibly dissapoint her again. I'm thinking since I have thursday off I can visit her again...but come to think of it, I think she'll be working then....maybe I can visit my Grandma. I got home and tired to phone my sister to let her know I made it safely, but my phone kept saying "no network connection." I couldn't even text her! I guess I'll just myspace her about it. I tried to call Ra-kun too, to let him know everything went well but yeah, as I said in the former sentence, wouldn't work. I listened to some music then went into the kitchen to try my hand at sweet potato fries. I'm not much of a cook....all I can make is scrambled eggs/omellete...and cookies, lol. But I guess usually if I have a recipe I can make almost anything. But it's usually limited to dessert stuff, dunno why, hahha. So...I started peeling the potato but it wasn't orange like when I had the fries at The LookOut and like on the trader joe's bag picture so I started doubting whether or not it was actually a sweet potato. I thought of driving back to safeway and finding out for sure...but I didn't really want to. It pissed me off beacuse when I went to buy them, the sign didn't state what they were, but I asked two clerks and they said it was a sweet potato. I think they actually used yams and not potatos, but then i don't know why they'd call it a sweet potato if it's a yam. -__- all the pictures online showed the orange-ness but specifically said to buy a sweet potato. I kept smelling the thing, too, lol...yeah I was that doubtful. Once I finished peeling it, I chopped it into rectangles and added it to the bag of seasoning mixture: nutmeg, ground cinnamon, sugar, and butter (it called for vanilla extract but we had none :( that's a first! It's always there for me when I make my cookies. oh well) and shook it up. I heated them in the oven for about 10-15 minutes. I combined instructions from two different recipes because one had the amount of servings I needed while the other had what would seem like the correct amount of bake time. I wasn't sure how they'd turn out...but I sampled them (as I ALWAYS do with things before I decide to give them to other people) and they were all right. I didn't know the mix would caramelize them but I should've guessed as much. I didn't think I'd ever remove them from the tray-they were pretty plastered onto it! >.< So with the second batch I sprayed butter onto it and those were much easier to remove. They came out really sweet! Nothing at all like the ones I had from trader joe's or the lookout..but they're still tasty, and that's what matters. I packed them up and drove over to Lonny's. Freaked out at first when I got there for a number of reasons: 1) Wasn't sure if I was parked where my car wouldn't be towed 2) I rang the doorbell twice but nobody answered which brings me to 3) My phone service was still acting shitty (even outside!) so when I tried calling to let him know I was there it didn't work. >.< Aaagh stupid service! I got lucky and his roommate happend to pull up right then and there and open the garage. I walked over to him and double-checked "Are you Lonny's roommate?" "Yeah," he said and extended his hand for a shake while introducing himself. I returned the gesture and he invited me inside and called Lonny, who didn't hear, lol. I took off my shoes and proceeded up the stairs, figuring that's where his room must be and that he must be in it. Sure enough he was. Apparently he tried to text me asking if I was coming over but since my stupid service wasn't working I never got his text. We went downstairs and watched the show. It was great, of course! Hot make-out scenes, gorgeously dressed women (I still can't get over Tasha in that executive suit), shocking occurences (Max's pregnancy. I still can't get used to the facial hair...)...I just now realized that I left my mug of orange juice on the glass table near the remote! OOPS! Random moment time! I want to watch United States of Tara sometime! We now resume to your regularly blogged journal. Got to having good conversation for the next 2 hours and then I had to leave so he wouldn't be too sleepy at work tomorrow (which is technically today now since it's 2:04 AM. Ah...what I do for the sake of journaling)! I'm getting cold now (my sis thinks I might in fact be anemic) so I'm going to get under the covers, read some L word: Welcome to our planet (Thanks again, Lonny, you're the best!), and sleep. And because it's been a while since it's been appropriate for me to say this...GOOD MORNight! ;)  Current Mood: accomplished Current Music: Paramore "That's what you get" (Comment on this)
Friday, January 23rd, 2009
4:05 am	Curve Magazine's L word party THE PARTY: Tonight I went to Curve magazine's L word party in Frisco at Ruby Skye, near Union Square. Accompanying me was my now-new-friend Lonny, who responded to a post I made on livejournal asking who was going to the event. He lives relatively close and didn't have anyone to go with either so we carpooled to the event in his car. The drive over mostly consisted of gushing over Kate (Shane), reminiscing about episodes, and getting more acquainted with each other. It was a swift drive, too! We left around 7:30pm and arrived around 8:00pm-I was so shocked! We found somewhere to park and lined up outside with others for the event. Not after too long they started letting people in. We were separated for a bit since I got a VIP ticket and he had general admission and there were separate lines, but there was someone coming who was going to sell him a VIP ticket. I started talking with the woman in front of me and we went upstairs to the VIP area. Her name was Mae. Eventually Lonny got his VIP ticket and we all chilled upstairs together, watching the dance floor and exploring the few rooms/areas. It was a huge dance floor and to the sides of the DJ were platforms where these women would dance (one on each side). Their outfits changed periodically through the night (at least 3 times). There was a huge spinning silver disco ball above the dance floor. Lonny was nice enough to buy me some drinks. Now I've had a midori sour! It's really yummy, like green apple. I know Ra-kun will be proud, hahhaha. So, most of the time Lonny, Mae, and I semi-danced and chatted until one of the secret guests arrived. It was Rose Rollins who plays Tasha on the show. At first everyone was surprised because she looked so different, but she sure is beautiful! She's very kind and friendly as well. She walked around the area and was taking pictures with those who asked. Lonny took a picture of us together and it came out great and I was so happy! ^__^ I told her that I loved her on the show. Soon after there was an autograph session. They were selling the curve magazine featuring her on the front so the 3 of us bought one and anxiously waited in line. I forgot most of what I wanted to tell her that time around...She asked my name when signing it and then she wrote that I was cute! ^___^ I thanked her for signing and tried to thank her for the photo earlier but she misunderstood and thought I was trying to ask her for another photo. We all gushed over our signatures then went downstairs for more drinks and semi-dancing, lol. The PICK UP Then, I noticed this woman walked up to Lonny and started talking to him. They seemed to be looking over at me so I figured they must've been talking about me. I looked at them wondering what was going on. Next thing I know she comes over to me and is asking my name and tells me that I'm beautiful. I thank her and look over at Lonny mouthing "what did you do?" in the midst of my confusion. She introduces herself as Eva. She was about my height, of Mexican descent, with blonde hair that cascaded a little past her shoulders in sausage curls. I couldn't hear everything she was saying because the music was so loud. She leaned her head close over my shoulder while I tried to talk in her ear and I felt my head go fuzzy, wondering if that was my 2nd Midori kicking in or if she was really the cause of that (though it's most likely the first). She told me something like I dressed conservative, similar to her girlfriend (and I don't know if that's current girlfriend, ex girlfriend or girl who's a friend who she's just calling girlfriend) and again said that I was beautiful. Since you'll probably want to know, I was wearing my black H & M floral dress that ends below the knees, with my red Vivienne Westwood love jacket and a pair of black heels. Then Eva was saying something about hooking me up, but once again I'm not entirely sure because the music was so loud. She asked about my cell and proceeded to write down her digits! O_o I still couldn't believe what was happening! She wrote "Style it" at the bottom (so I wondered if maybe she works at a salon of some sort) and then signed her name (least that's what it looks like-I can't really make out what it is.) Afterward she held up her fist and I pounded mine with hers. Then she did the same to Lonny and left. Still in shock I asked him "What did you do?!" to which he replied "I didn't do anything!" He said she'd been eye-ing me for a bit so he thought she might come over and that she asked him if we were a couple. What's funny is earlier before all this happened he said that he bet if he left some woman would come over to talk to me. In fact he asked if I wanted him to leave! LOL XD but I was like "No no no no!" O_o I didn't think it likely since most people that came were with their significant other. A little after Eva left I decided we should leave, too, just cuz there was nothing else going on and Rose Rollins was gone. Mae came with us and as we proceeded to the exit we FINALLY found THE L CHAIR! Took some photos with it and officially departed. Lonny offered to drop off Mae, which was cool-the more the merrier. On our way back to the car though we got stopped by some poor dude on the street and he totally wouldn't leave us alone. I kinda got scared, especially after he called me pretty and said that I was going to make some guy happy. -_- Eventually we got away and I shuttered at the thought of worse things possibly having occured had I gone to this event alone. I was never more grateful than at that moment to have had some companionship. We dropped Mae off and proceeded toward my house. I admit the ride home was a bit scary since it was foggy but we made it back safe and in one piece. We got some food from jack in the box before arriving at my place. THE VERDICT I had a wonderful night! ^__^ Made new friends, got picked up by a chick O_o, met Rose Rollins and got her autograph and a picture with her. Plus I now have a 2nd copy of the latest issue of L word because they came in our special VIP bags. If I'd known they were going to have them there, I wouldn't have bought mine off e-bay! >.< Oh well...I'm really happy! I feel like a whole new world is revealing itself to me. Current Mood: sleepy Current Music: L word soundtracks (Comment on this)
Monday, January 12th, 2009
10:12 am	I passed This morning I took my driver's test and I passed!  (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 27th, 2008
7:29 am	Still waiting I went back to the post office yesterday 5 hours after my first attempt and this time they told me the male courier was going to try to redeliver it again , which makes absolutely no fucking sense when on the pink slip it says my package would be at the post office. I was upset beacuse I knew I wouldn't be home to sign for it again if that was the case, because of work. When I got home that night I hoped to have received another pink slip or that if it came my brother would've signed for it but nothing. I went back to the post office again this morning and the same guy that helped me yesterday was there. Still couldn't find the package. They didn't write the confirmation number on the slip so I asked if that would help cuz I coudl go and get it. So I came back home wrote down the info and gave it to them. It didn't really do anything but confirm that it should've been there. He checked everywhere that it would be, I even told him it would be a long triangular shaped box, just to make it easy. He took down my info again and the confirmation number and said he would have the courier call me. I'm growing more and more pissed by the day. At least I could get my money back since insurance was added but I don't want money, I want my parasol! Last night I even worked on a cute black and navy blue bow to match with it-blue kona cotton with black lace fabric over it. It's made too look like one of Moi-Meme Moitie's bows and I'm really happy with how it turned out. Materials cost under $3 and it only took about an hour to make. I want to make a matching JSK too since I can't fit anything Moitie. I wanted to get the cathedral print pinafore since it's still on CDJapan, but it's like....2-3 inches too small for me. I seriously don't know how all the other Americans with my similar build are fitting into Moitie items with no shirring. Do they lie about the measurements on the website or did all these poeple order it just hoping it would fit them? Well anyway, I'll be really sad if I don't have my parasol to wear them with. I'm praying that the male courier will call me soon and that they will find it. I'm thinking to go check my apartment complex's office just in case for some reason they decided to leave it there. Maybe they messed up and meant to say it's at that office instead of the post office. I just hope I get home in time before they close since I get off at 4 and they usually close at 5 but half the time when there's still supposed to be a half hour before they close they ARE closed and it ticks me off. *sigh* I need to calm down.  Thinking about bringing the small venus flytrap to work with me just for today. It's been a week and she needs to be fed and I figured I can find a bug or two along my route and give 'em to her right away. I'm a bit worried though because I was told the the traps with food in them would re-open again in a week and the exoskeleton of the bug would be there but I have yet to see the trap I fed last week open. Maybe I'm just looking at the wrong one. There are 9 traps afterall. Ugh...so tired. I had to get up early in order to go to the post office before goign to work. I went to bed at 1 last night after having finished my bow and watched The Secret Life of the American Teenager. Got up at 6 X_X....I really need an energy drink or some coffee or something.... (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 26th, 2008
7:07 am	Please let them find it!!! .v_v. I'm upset right now. I just bought a Moi-meme Moitie parasol off someone from the egl comm sales community. I've been so excited because it's going to be my very first Moitie item and I've been wanting to own at least ONE thing from that brand since I can't fit any of the friggin clothes. So I know it's here because I got one of those pink slips on my door from the post man that you have to sign-the ones they leave when you're not present. I got up at 6:30 like I normally do when I wanna pick up a package from the post office and went to retreive my package. I waited patiently and was told that it could not be found. I was so ready to ask if I could look for it myself, or at least tell him that "it would probably be in a long rectangular shaped box" (since any other time I got a parasol that's the kind of box I received them in)....*sigh* The seller did nothing wrong, she included delivery confirmation. I just can't believe they can't find it! Where the hell can it be? The guy who went to check for me said that the normal male courier wasn't working yesterday. I really really hope they find it beacuse if they don't I'm going to be extremely upset. That parasol is so fucking rare and I spent $145 on it. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, October 13th, 2007
1:21 am	I'm still alive I guess I'm feeling somewhat better. Thanks: Angie, for reminding me it's okay to be myself. I could never tell you in person (because I suck with that kind of shit, fu fu fu), but I really respect and admire you... *blush* ^^  Hazukashii! lawlz. Rosie, for being my Jun-chan (not that you'll know what that means, lol. But if you watch Nana maybe you'll find out tee-hee...). Elizabeth, (PLEASE tell me I got it right >.< please) for being my Usagi-chan (it might not make sense to you, lol, but in my world it's perfect. And that's beacuse I link something you said to something similar she says in the S movie...lol). Anthony, for wishing me well. And to anyone my memory betrays...you too! The other night I dreamt that I was in a room and Vivienne Westwood was there too. She was like...10 feet across from me...aaaaaah...and it doesn't surprise me to have this kind of dream because earlier this week in my intro to fashion design class, we watched a video about fahsion shows and she was featured in it and I totally died a million times. I cried out with joy in my mind (for fear of embarassment, lol) and watched the video with such intensity. My eyes were so glued to the projector screen that it's not funny. One of the dresses I saw was one I actually saw up for auction on e-bay. I'm just really thrilled with the fact that I'm starting to be able to recognize her clothing. I also dreamt that I had some Vivienne Westwood vest for some reason..and it was a size 3 and it fit...and this all links to the fact that I've been killing myself over trying to get a size 3 love jacket! I decided since it's so hard for me to find a red one, I'll settle for the grey one with the black heart...and I found one and I've decided I'm going after it, no matter how much I have to pay (the last chance I had, I lost and I was really sad). And then a red one appeared! But it's like...38800 yen T^T but yeah, I've decided I'm getting the grey one, no matter how much it costs. The only thing I hate...is that the person is gonna take it to get cleaned before they send it out to the winner. Fuck! I mean...fuck, if I were to win...I'd have to wait even longer to get it! If I win, I'm hoping I could get it before Halloween but if I have to wait for them to take it to the cleaners, it mgiht not be possible. I mean..I'm sure it takes about 2 weeks for the items to get to me Japan even with EMS shipping T^T...the auction ends monday...and who knows when they'd get it back from the cleaners... I realize, I'm sacrifcing tonz of money (but I've been trying to sell lolita burando like crazy. And I'm not haveing much luck either..esp. in the communities...but at least on e-bay I've got 2 watchers per item! So someone better buy or win or I'll get super pissed. I'm throwing money away on putting up auctions). What i'm doing, isn't very wise...but I'm lusting after this jacket so badly, that I absolutely must have it. And I have faith it will fit...Iv'e done my research. Least I hope it will fit...please let it fit! Based on what someone else said, it should fit. And if not, then I'll have wasted god knows how much finding out XD and then I'll know I'll never ever be able to geta love jacket (which would seriously kill me...) OR that I'll have to lose weight and become thin like a Japanese chick so that I can fit into it! Fight fight! Or I could take it to get tailored and pray they can make it fit! But anyway...after that, I decided to promise to save. I just need what I'm lusting after and I'll be fine. I also dreamt I was going through junk and found a 100 dollar bill I'd put in a wallet. Gawd, how I wish that could've been reality! >.< And speaking of wallets, I just bought a Vivienne Westwood blue tartan wallet/purse! (I was s'pposed to pay for it a week ago, but umm...yeah) ^^; It's perfect for all my cards and junk! http://community.livejournal.com/vwestwood/146482.html#cutid1 I'm going to live luxuriously and ravishly in my own way, shut up! 8D Today I met Angie's friend Heather! It was really strange, but in a COOL way of course! She walked into the fabric store and I approached her because she was heading in my general direction and I was going to see if she needed help finding something. She stood there and analyzed me for a moment as if she was trying to figure out where she'd seen me...then she said "You're Angie's friend, right?" and I'm like "yeah!" (times like this I swear I feel like a celebrity ku ku ku) and she tried to remember my name but alas, her memory betrayed her. Then I told her what it was and she mentioned that she had at least known it started with an S. I talked with her while I could, since the store wasn't busy (we were near closing by half an hour) and I gave her my 20% discount. So yeah, it was cool! ^_^ She seems really nice! We talked about the first time I met Angie, lawlz. Apparently she perceived me as a "shy at first but really comfortable once you get to know her" kind of person...so that was interesting. But who knows, maybe I have become shy? I've changed a lot, and not necessarily...for the better I don't think -__- lawlz. Also, a guy from my basic apparel construction class bought some fabric from my job. That was cool too. It always brightens my day to see people I know. It rained cats and dogs and I hated it. Watching it from the window made me really sad...I hate when it rains like crazy. It somewhat makes me lonely and frightened for some reason...maybe beacuse there were times I was waiting it the rain for long periods of time for someone or something (like a bus) and waiting made me really lonely. I was watching Nana (I'm up to 38!), which really doesn't help because it's at the really depressing, emotional part of the series. So that, and the rain, doesn't make for exactly happy, lol. I'm considering trying to find Takumi's cigarettes (Gilates? I don't remember), and the one Nana herself actually smokes (Seven or Lucky Seven? Ren smokes them too). I'm going to collect all the diff. types they smoke, lol. It's really only Yasu that smokes Black Stones (I think Shin does too though...). Why I should even care or focus on that type of thing is beyond me. Gawd, I even tried looking for a zippo lighter that had a fleur de lis on it because that's what Nana's looks like. You know what's weird though...even though I hate the rain, I wasn't so upset when I walked to work in it...*shrug* My pants got somewhat wet at the bottom...maybe because I could feel something....I guess...it was somewhat relaxing to be able to FEEL something... "The rain is cold, but I want to be wet by it Because it erases memories and tears" May I take this time to say that Moritaka Chisato is a genius with lyrics. I have gained even more respect for her after reading several translated songs. I can appreciate songs a lot more once I fully understand their meaning. And even if I don't even know completely what they're saying, I'm proud I can at least get SOme important parts. I'm going to sleep now. I've got work in the morning. Also, CURSE the weak U.S dollar! >.< CURSE IT! I fucking found that God save the queen safety pin shirt..the fucking REAL DEAL! Designed by Vivienne Westwood and Malcom McLaren from the Seditionaries line/store. There's also a shirt of Mickey Mouse effing Minnie Mouse O_o...it's very awkward to look at... Okay, this last thing, then I'm going to bed! I've decided for sure that if I ever EVER decide to get a tattoo...I'm getting Vivienne Westwood's orb symbol! I don't know where yet...maybe on my lower back or...yeah, I really don't know good places for tattoos. I'd want it to be somewhere where I could kinda show it off, but also in a place where I could easily conceal it if I needed to. I dunno, but yeah, I've decided this for real! XD kay, good mornight! (it's past 1:30am...) Current Mood: neutral Current Music: "A Little Pain" Olivia (inspi' Reira Trapnest) (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, August 9th, 2007
7:39 pm	I guess this means I'm saving for a camera... I was intent on saving up all this month and purchasing the size 3 Vivienne Westwood red label red jacket with heart (The red one with a black heart that Nana wears) at the end, but someone bought it! T^T I was really sad about it....but I guess that means I can save up for a camera instead, which is much more worth my money! I really do love that jacket though...I guess I'll just have to replicate it against my own wishes. I don't believe enough in my skills yet to even attempt such a feat. I can't find any patterns that I think would help do it justice. Perhaps I'll just have to draft my own pattern but...will I be able to do it justice?  So I disciplined myself and started sewing a bunch! Well, yesterday and today I worked on my sailor loli yellow (which is like RARE in the lolita world) skirt! Getting the buttons in the right place was so hard! I'm so glad it's over and done with! Yay , I have a sailor-ish skirt! I still have to make a headbow and a sailor collar...but I ran out of white twill (is that what I was using?) for the lines so I have to buy more to use for the back of the skirt and on the collar and on the hair bow. I've been searching and searching and I can't find any shirts that I can alter into something to use for the sailor top! grrr! So for now, at least with the skirt being done, the outfit is half complete! I'll probably make a yellow jumper-ish type of top to go with it though , kinda like a one piece I saw of Meta (gawd, I love their sailor line! That's probably the only thing I care for of theirs, other than perhaps their parasols, cafe teddy really...).  I dressed up kodona for the first time on Tuesday when I went to work and man did it feel GOOD! XD I've always wanted to be a guy for a day and if cross-dressing is as close as I can get, I'll take it! XD I found a white blouse with a detachable jabot (gah I love thosE!) at Good Will for $4.99, some black knickers at DD's discounts for $9.99 (I thought they fit when I tried them on but I notcied when I crouch down they kinda go low and then I have to make sure I'm wearing a long enough shirt to cover my ass... ^^; I'm considering making belt loops so I can wear a belt...), and I added in my stipey thigh high socks, black 4" hot topic platform boots, the vest I bought at Styles just before they closed the store (it's just like the one Angie has!), and the black top hat with red and black across the front that I handmade! I love being tall! Platforms rule. It gives me lots of confidence for some strange reason...so anyway, one Asian lady who I cut for said "Your syle is very cute," and in one of those accented voices. I like those sometimes. But anyway...I'm thinking up a name for my male/kodona alter ego but I can't find one that I think really fits! I thought Will stuck with me but...I'm not really sure...I'm even considering Shin...any ideas anyone?  I started reading more of Nana now. I really love it! Rocker Nana (cuz I can't remember her last name, lol) is my favorite, and Shin, too! He's so cute! I'm gonna be working on some kodona pants pretty soon that has a detachalbe skirt thingie (those appear to be pretty popular) and I wanna get the rocking horse shoes just like the ones he wears, and I plan to buy a white shirt which I can leave unbuttoned at the top and one of those Vivienne Westwood orb neckalaces that are so stylishly kewl! XD Yes, I'm gonna imitate his look...hehe. Such a snappy dresser he is! I can't wait to make my pants! I've never attempted making pants before O_o (I'm not even sure i ever made any for my Sailor Moon dolls back when I used to sew clothes for them...). I have all these things I want to sew, but summer's almost over! :( I didn't get as much as I wanted done this summer. Didn't play any video games (poor nameless-japanese playstation has been so neglected), didn't sew as much as I wanted (I only recently got back into Gothic Lolita and I'm in lvoe with kodona now so I'm going crazy trying to find things to coordinate). When I want to sew, peopel want to hang out, and when I want to hang out peopel are busy! Argh, I hate the irony! So anwyay...it's bad when I go into fabric stores cuz I'll see something really nice and I knwo exactly what I want to do with it...there are some pretty things at my work that I saw and I want to make these aristocratic dressed with them like the one Momoko wore in Shimotsuma Monogatari when she and Ichigo went to the Forest of Nobility (?) for drinks and stuff. I bought these cute knickers from Dd's discounts that are brown with this one small pattern that I don't know the name for....and it's got a little bit of a light beige-brown....sponge-cake looking color. I thought I'd make a brown vest, wear some brown socks or buy those 30 dollar cute brown boots I saw in Payless, make the light colored tie to bring out that light color sponge-cake color in the pants, and a newsboy style of hat that matches that color too. And I thought I'd wear a white collared shirt underneath. I wanna be a boy, I wanna be a boy! I want to change my way of talking when I'm kodona too, to sound more refined and elegant and stuff! and I wanna buy a nice manly blazer and wear gloves just like Ryuutaro from Plastic Tree! XD And I think I want a cane too... I sure have changed a lot. Umm...everytime I look at clothes with lace or ribbon I'm like "cheap"! Grrr...being lolita has changed a lot of how I think! Aaagh! If something doesn't have venician or cluny lace...I automatically say to myself "cheap" and I feel the lace too just to be sure (lol, wtf?) and if it's scratchy then I really know. Seriously though, when I look at the lace and ribbon on clothes now-a-days, I think that I woudlnt' want to wear it when they use that poly stuff. I was looking at some stuff in Hot Topic the other day and noticing how cheap they were in quality. Ugh! I can see now why so many lolis bitch about it. If you do nice work then you really should use nice lace. I now cant' even beleive I used to use really cheap stuff! Everyone will be proud when they see my newest creations (omg I used cluny lace. No more being bitched at, yay!), hopefully, lol. I guess though that now i'll have to handwash a lot of stuff and that's what I was trying so hard to avoid T_T lol. Ma ikka...what else...umm...I think I've become such a criminal! lol. I'm not gonna give lots of detail but omg I seriously need to stop myself and discipline myself before things get out of hand and I get myself into a lot of trouble! I'll admit...it does give me a bit of a rush. You need that sort of thing when life gets dull and mediokure... I guess that's all for now. Geez, I talk a lot! How do my friends deal with when I'm so talkative? I'm sure I annoy everyone sometimes! XD LULZ! Current Mood: creative Current Music: "Cry no more" Nakashima Mika (13 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, April 27th, 2007
9:43 am	I think for the first time I truly feel alienated... Gawd, I'm so sick of all this BS with the EGL community. I seriously feel like leaving and never going back. I'm sick of people leaving rude comments, like that one BIATCH who said that my friend scared her. That was just flat out uncalled for. I'm sick of not meeting standards that people think should be met. I was loving lolita so much till poeple started becoming really nitpicky about everything. I'm at a point now where I've actually considered just turning full decora and leaving lolita behind. But I've invested a lot of money on lolita so I'm not going to just flat out stop. Is it bad to want to stop something though after you've been torn to shreds...does that make me a weak person? I admit, I've always been pretty sensetive and easily hurt...but things just seem the worst for me right now. I'm really feeling like there's nowhere that I fit in. It was hard to have to move here from my old house in the first place (and that was only 15-20 minutes away driving distance)...everyone wants to be accepted, right...? I'm feeling like I'm not accepted by the lolitas and occasionaly I feel like I'm not accepted even with my own friends beacuse even though they love Anime too, I'm so much of an Otaku that people think I had to have been a Japanese princess in some former life...why can't I just be ME...? And the fact that college is so goddamned hard....I mean it's hard to make friends beacuse you don't see people on a normal basis like you did in high school...you have to really really try to see them...majority of the time when you meet a person in a class and you end up not having class with them again the next semester, you never really contact them anymore....Whenever I start a new class I always keep to myself on the first day..which probably sounds odd because most poeple would say I'm an extroverted person, but I always have that fear in the back of my mind that as soon as someone knows that I'm into the Japaense culture or Anime they're going to treat me like a weirdo and call me a Black person trying to act Japanese. Nobody ever understands...I don't go around telling Whites or Asians that they're acting Black because they listen to rap and hip-hop. I'm so sick of crying but that seems to be all I ever do since I've moved here. Things have become significantly better since the first depressing half year that I moved but I'm still crying far too much...and I don't know how to get better. I've been feeling like not making friends anymore and just keeping to myself and not even contacting the friends I do have because part of my mind thinks it's much better and easier to be a loner and that there's no need to rely on other people. Everyone just seems useless. I'd be lying though if I said that I didn't need people...  (21 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 12th, 2007
6:22 pm	Beacuse waiting is boring... I stole this from Angie!  When was the last time you cried? Last weekend when he-who-shall-not-be-named-for-protection-purposes didn't call me back like he was supposed to...I waited up all night...cuz we were supposed to hang out. I held an awful grudge until he apologized the next day. Getting drunk is such a sad excuse though... Have you ever faked sick? Yeah, the last time so I could go to a gothic lolita gathering with Ashley ^^; tee-hee... What was the last lie you said? I dunno... Have you ever cried during a movie? Many times. I think the last movie that made me cry was CLICK. Who was the last person you couldn't take your eyes off of? He-who-shall-not-be-named-for-protection-purposes Have you ever danced in the rain? I think so. Have you ever been drunk? Never and I plan to keep it that way. Have you ever tried drugs? Insert above answer here. Do you smoke? Insert above answer here. What's the farthest you've ever gone on a dare? I don't remember. What is your full name? Shana Elizabeth Hagood. My middle name is my Grandma's first name. What is your blood-type? I wonder that as well... Have you ever been in a car accident? No, thank goodness. How old were you when you recieved your first kiss? Well, I was the one who gave it so I'm not sure if that counts...I was like...hell, 8 or 9? Who was your first kiss? Bryan Phillips. He lived down the street from me. He was younger than me, too. Have you ever had an online relationship? No. I don't believe in those working. Have you ever had phone-sex? No, that's just too creepy for me. Have you ever been rejected by a crush? If I had a dime for every time that happened, I'd be rich right now. What is your favourite sport to play? Badminton, bowling, tennis. However, I don't play any of these often. Have you ever made a prank phone call? Not personally, but my friends did at my 18th B-day party. Have you ever said "I Love you" and not meant it? Maybe. What's your favourite childhood memory? Eating neopolitan ice cream and apple sauce while sitting on Grandpa's lap in his la-z-boy (sp?) recliner. Is there anything that you have done that you regret? Somehow screwing up my friendship with Kathleen Sheppard. Fuck, I seriously think it's something I'll carry with me till the day I die. What do you want to be when you grow up? Right now I say I want to be a Fashion Designer...and open up my own Gothic Lolita clothing line in America. What is your political persuassion? I hate politics. Have you ever had cybersex? Yes. I used to do that when I was bored out of my mind, but the after a while people just didn't seem to know what the fuck they were doing so I stopped. Do you believe in God? I'm not really sure anymore. I think I believe there might be some higher being but...I dunno about God. Do you believe in love at first sight? No. Do you believe in karma? Yeah! O_o Who was your first crush? I think his name was Eric, back when I was in Kindergarten. Who do you have a crush on? He-who-shall-not-be-named-for-protection-purposes. How would you describe yourself? Friendly, hyper, loud, outgoing, dependable, sensitive, dramatic, compassionate, devoted, talented, stubborn. What are you afraid of? Spiders (but i'll take their pictures if I think they're really cool), heights (somewhat), being alone, never wedding... Are you religious? I've changed a lot and right now I think I'm leaning to Agnostic or Athiest. What does your screen name mean? Well, "megumi" means blessing and SEH are the initials for my full name. The Megumi in my s/n is taken from Megumi Hayashibara, famous for her Anime voice acting and singing. What person do you trust the most? John Who was your first boyfriend/girlfriend? I've never really had a boyfriend. I mean John and I were kinda togehter but I never considered it officiall since we had talked about it over the phone and we never actually went out and dated or anything like that. Never had a girlfriend but I'll admit I'm curious as to what that would be like. What is the best compliment you have ever received? I dunno, I've received a lot of nice compliments from people. What is the meanest thing anyone has said about you? I've been called the "N" word a few times... What is the longest crush/relationship you have had? A year I guess. What is your greatest strength? Open mind I guess? What is your greatest weakness? I worry about things a lot. What is your perfect pizza?  Hawaiian! <3 What is your first thought when waking up in the morning? What time is it? What is your first thought before you go to bed? Either i'm tired, or i'll finish my sewing or music the next day, or how angry or happy I am, depends on the day's events. What college do you want to go to? No idea. Do you get along with your family? Sorta... Do you play any instruments? Acoustic guitar What kind of music do you like? Almost anything, but I mostly listen to J-rock or J-pop. Do you think you're attractive? Yeah Would you ever get a tattoo? I think I'd be too scared to get one. I don't like needles! However, if I do get one, I want to get Hyde's angel wings on my back. I know, that's so unoriginal... How many piercings do you have? Only two, one on each ear. Who makes you laugh? John, Angie, Jennifer Who would you want to be tied to for 24hours? I dunno. Have you ever seen a dead body? If that includes what I've seen at funerals, yes. Do you have a celebrity crush? Hyde! Hyde, hyde, hyde, hyde, hyde! XD <3 x eternity. His voice is eargasmic. Kyo from Dir en Grey ^^; ::twiddles thumbs:: <3! Alex Wong. He's not an actual celebrity yet, but he's always been one to me. v_v <3! Devon Copley! But he's a married man now, and I'm happy for him. ^_^ Also, not officially a celebrity yet...Zac Effron maybe, lol, but...he's probably a few years younger than me :( I have no idea....Vienna Teng maybe, lol. She's not official either but she has the voice of an angel. Ummm...Yasu from Janne Da Arc! I think that's it. Oh! John Stamos, who played uncle Jesse on Full House! XD What is one thing scientists should invent? I dunno. Have you ever broken a bone? I've fractured my ankle playing tennis my sophomore year in high school. Also fractured my pinky. What happens after you die? You get reunited with your friends and family. Do you watch or read the news? No, it's too depressing. What stereotype would you label yourself as being? I'm not sure I fit one. Otaku? lol... Would your friends agree with that stereotypic label? If Otaku was/is a stereotype, then yes. If you could change your name, what would you change it to? Megumi, without a doubt! If you could go back in time to one point in your life, where would you go? Back when I was able to hang out with all my friends in high school. I barely get to see my high school friends now-a-days :( ::sniffles:; If you could change anything about yourself, what would you change? My arms, my boobs, and the stupid gap inbetween my teeth T_T Have you ever gone skinny dipping? Iie. Have you ever played strip poker? Insert above answer here. Would you ever lie to someone to make them feel good about themselves? I suppose that depends... What do you want your friends to think about you? Hmm...That they can rely on me I guess. Whats the biggest argument you've ever gotten into? Can't remember. Have you ever bitten someone? I might have. I dont' remember. When's your birthday? February 19th. Have you ever stolen anything? Cracker from 7-11 when I was really little, food (pizza, cookes, etc...) from Target when I used to work in Food Avenue, and things I really shoudln't mention just yet ^^; Yes, I have a problem. It's funny how they tell you a lot of theft is in-store and you dont' really understand till you've done it yourself, LAWLZ. Do you make wishes on shooting stars? I used to when I was really little, but of course I've never seen a REAL shooting star. And I've realized that wishes don't come true so wishing on stars is just a waste of time. Whats the most you've ever eaten in one sitting? Almost an entire box of cheez-its! If you could go back and change one day, what would it be? The day I fell for he-who-shall-not-be-named-for-protection-purposes.... Do you remember your dreams? Usually, and I have some of the srangest ones ever! Have you ever been in love? I believe I am right now...fuck! Are you a morning person or a night person? A little of both I suppose. I've gone to work at 6 in the morning on 4 hours of sleep and survived on that and coffee (but this was when I used to work at Target). I like to stay up all night but I don't like to get up too early unless I'm working on a project, like sewing or writing music. Do you have any phobias? spiders and heights a bit. And being alone (is there a phobia for that?) What's the meanest thing you've ever done to someone? Saying something behind someone's back, I guess. Have you ever been to the hospital (other then birth)? Yeah. I had asthma when I was really young and I remember this one time lying on a table with tubes up my nose...not very pleasant! How many screen names do you have? 3. One that I used daily and the other two for when I don't want to be bothered by anyone. Do any medical problems run in your family? high blood pressure I think? Has anyone ever been disowned from your family? Not that i know of. Have you ever had a nightmare? Yeah, the worst being the devil coming to earh and burning the Earth and when someone tried to cut off my leg to sew onto another person's body. I used to always have nightmares of being shot at but when I got older that changed to nightmares of my teeth falling out. Do you say meaner things to your friends or your enemies? Enemies. Would you ever participate in a threesome? Maybe? Depends on who it is. I'll be far far FAR in the futre if that ever happens. Would you ever pay for a prostititue? No. Have you ever mooned or flashed someone? No.  Have you ever cheated on your bf/gf? No. Have you ever laughed so hard you peed in your pants? No, but I'm sure I've come close to it before. Have you ever written a love letter? Yeah. Have you ever attempted suicide? No, cuz I'm all talk and no action, but I've considered it seriously before. Do you prefer boxers or briefs? I've never worn either, but if I ever did it would probably be boxers. Have you ever been in a fistfight? Nope. Do you have any hidden talents? Hmm...I used to but it dissappeard unfortunately T_T. I used to be able to hold my hands together and bring my arms all the way over my head and behind me, like to my waist and back (That's the best way I can describe it). What is one thing you want me to know about you? I think you know everything now, lol. What is one question you wouldn't want me to ask? I dunno. Do you usually prefer books or movies? Movies, but recently I'm starting to really love books. Who is your favourite person to talk to? There are quite a few. Who is always able to cheer you up when you're sad? My good friends. Who do you talk to most on the phone? John, Christina, and my Grandmother. Do you have a secret that you're ashamed of? Probably, but I'm not gonna tell you. Do you prefer british or american spelling of words? I don't care. Have you ever gotten detention? Yeah, for drinking lemonade in class. How do you vent your anger? Rant, cry, eat, sleep, sing, draw, write poetry/music, listen to music. Have you ever been on a diet? Yeah, it's hella hard! Would you ever date someone younger than you? Older than you? If they were only a year or two younger. Is your best friend a virgin? I think so...I can't remember. What's a rumor someone has spread about you? Dunno. What's the kinkiest thing you could ever actually see yourself as doing? Sex involving chocolate and whip cream? And things that I'm not going to get into detail with....^^; What's the meanest thing anyone has ever done to you? Called me the "N" word. And being told to die in class when we were learning about slavery. What's the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you? I dunno, I've had a lot of nice things done for me. Have you ever been diagnosed with a mental illness? No.  Have you ever cut yourself on purpose? No, but I've wanted to. How much does it hurt...? Have you ever wanted to murder someone? Yeah, but it's not something I'd seriously do. Have you ever hated someone? Anhtuan, for telling me to die in Ms. White's class when we were learning about slavery, and his little brother Anhtu for caling me the "N" word. Do you prefer talking on the phone or online? Online. I can multi-task and it's not so awkward. Do you consider yourself popular? Hmm...somewhat? Would you ever tell the person you have a crush on that you like them? I already did. That didn't get me anywhere...'cept for back to Square 1, but with an aching heart. Have you ever had a crush on an enemy? No, but I seem to fall for the evil villians in shows now-a-days. What is your favourite book? Kamikaze Girls, recently (as far as novels are concerned). The Women of Brewster Place, The Dark Side of Nowhere, The Tachyon Web, Catcher in the Rye, Bless me Ultima. Do you have a collection of anything? Snapple bottle caps with facts on them, Anime DVDs; Okui Masami, Onitsuka Chihiro, and Tamaki Nami memorabilia, the quarters that come out with different states on them, plants, music boxes, jewelry. Are you happy with the person you are becoming? Yeah, pretty much. ^_^ Are you a different person now then you were 5 years ago? Yeah! O_o What do you see yourself as being in 5 years from now? I really don't know, but I hope that I'll have found my soulmate by then....v_v Are you happy with the life you have? Overall, yes. (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, February 26th, 2007
1:39 am	What a weekend! Dir en Grey highlight! I must start from the beginning! Saturday I got all decked out in Shirololi and went out to dinner with my two older sisters. One of them was staying in Hayward so she didnt' want to do a lot of driving and pick me up then go to the mall and take me back so she asked me to meet her halfway, in Union City. Well, I had to take 3 buses to get to the Fremont Bart Station and I ended up getting lost after taking the last bus and I walekd around for like 45 minutes to an hour trying to find the goddamend Bart station and it was getting too late so my sis just came and picke me up from where I ended up, the Fremont Kaiser Hospital, and about only a few blocks away from the goddamend station -__- so we didnt' make it in time to go to Todai's for sushi ;_; (which sucks cuz i've been craving sushi majorly) so we went to the Cheesecake factory. Our oldest sister met us there. It took an hour for them to seat us. OMFG! This one guy was with his wife and daughter: Guy: My daughter wants to know what you're dressed up as. Me: It's a....(too many people kept walking by before I could finish telling him). Guy: Are you little bo peep? Queen Latifah? Me: LMFAO. It's a style of Japanese street fashion. And then my sisters went on about how he was an ignorant stupid person for saying Queen Latifah (as if he mentioned that just because I'm Black. But anway...). I was hella fucking tired beacuse I stayed up all night to finish my shirololi top and thus didn't sleep for friggin 24 hours..but anyway, so the appetizers we got (crab wontons, cheese quesedillas, and chicken gyoza/potsickers) were all really good! But I was pissed when I ordered a burger (never am I donig that again at a NON burger place) well done and it was HELLA burnt on the outside and still pink inside. Gawd, I could hella taste the charcoal. I coudlnt' really enjoy it. But because I was celebrating my B-day they gave me a free widdle parfait! It was hella yummy XD and they sang happy b-day to me. The waitress we had, Valerie, was so nice and very funny. My sisters gave her a huge tip. Anyway, my oldest sister Shannon was pretending I was a celebrity from Harajuku, lmfao. This one guy who works there came over and she told him that and he asked if he should get my autograph and my sister says yeah. So before I know it he busts out this paper and asks me to write To Matthew with two T's XD and then I asked what kind of message he wanted and he said "Say something like good fortune and prosperity" so I did and then I made this crazy signature which my sisters thought was really cool. Yeah, I actually took time one day to hella just write my name an interesting way cuz I awlays thought I'd like to have something cool in case someday I get famous and get to sign autographs. I had so much fun! Then we went to the mall (It was Stoneridge by the way) and I got a black and white polka dotted loli-like blouse from forever 21. I'm kinda kicking myself and wishing I made my sis buy me the Whithering to Death CD from Dir en Grey that they had in Hot Topic. However, I have some spending money so...I think I'll bug my friend to take me this week so I can buy it.  So then today, Sunday, Angie and I went to the Dir en Grey concert at the Fillmore! Huzzah! I was happy to get away from her magical allergy-inflicting cat. It's weird. Her cat seems to always kill people X_x i'm not even allergic to cats and I always get all sniffly and red-eyed after I'm at her house for a while. Waaah! Her mom got some food from taco bell FTW! And yeah, we went to my house to print out the directions and then we were on our way to the Fillmore. My friend D-hime had lined up at 10Pm last night omg! so she was at the front. Angie and I got lost on the way, but we did get there (which is the important thing) and it was about 5. I started screaming "OMG that's the line, that's the line!" when we passed the venue and she laughed at my noobness and playfully whacked me on the head. My heart was pounding so fast and I was majorly excited for the first time in a long while. The line actually wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I kept worrying about not getting a good spot once I got inside but...we hella got pushed to the front, as it's just inevitable at these kinds of events. While in line, we met some really cool peeps! There were these two oh so cute 14 year olds, Ian and Noriyuki (Nori for short), and there was the 20 year old Brian. I'm a HELLA noob Dir en Grey-ist who doesn't even know all the names of the members or what they play (Kyo of course is the ONLY one I can remember cuz he's the vocalist and I love his voice...and sometimes I can remember Shinya and Toshiya but yeah...), who has mostly listened to their old school stuff (I just have the albums my friend burned me: Gauze, I'll (that's a single I believe), Jealous, Macabre, and Missa), and knows hardly any of the song titles but at least what they sound like. "Cage" was my very first Dir en Grey song so of course I remember that, and my second song was "Yokan" (premonition). I've at least familiarized myself with "Akuro no Oka", "Mazochyst of Decadence," "Yurameki," and "Berry" after having read the lyrics translations. Also, "Saku" (Bloom? I dunno) is my new favorite. I also hadn't seen any music videos (cept Saku. that shit was pretty trippy but I loved it and I really don't know why) or live clips so I was in for a killer treat. I felt really bad when everyone else could name out all the song titles but I couldn't. I was terribly embarrassed, lol. But anyway...(wow, I'm saying that lot, aren't I?) the line moved and we finally got inside! We weren't too far away from the stage either (maybe like...in the 8th or 7th row of people) and had a pretty good view of everything. There were two opening acts (why, dammit, why? Just give me my Dir en Grey!), and I can't even remember their names dammit >< The first act was all right but the second HELLA sucked. The singer had a patch of hair missing from one side of his head and Angie joked that Kyo got hungry and ate it, LAWLZ! XD Then around 15-20 minutes after 9:00 Dir en Grey finally came on and the crowd went crazy. Actually, the crowd went crazy during the second act before Dir en Grey and had already started moshing. It was the worst moshing I'd ever experienced (worse than from the Hyde concerts I attended last year in July) and it got so hot quickly and I thought I was gonna die for not being able to find much air or coolness. The venue was really good about it though and started passing around water bottles in the audience at one point. There were times when everyone got pushed back and my feet didn't touch the ground for 5 seconds, like OMG! Hella people fell over and some I believe started fainting. Brian stayed with me the whole time though and protected me from all the crazy people and always let me fall on him for support. He had his arms around me with his fingers interlaced to keep a strong hold. I hate to admit it, but it was kinda nice. (I dunno, for some reason, I get embarrassed about things a lot more now,even if I'm just admitting it to myself). I felt all protected and shit....I guess that's okay. I mean, I'm a free woman and I've never had a boyfriend (or at least nothing I considered official, whatever that means, lol) so I can be happy about silly little things like that. Anyway, so Dir en Grey was like nothing I'd ever seen before. Okay, now I'm gonna be all poetic, haha. I watched as Kyo stood before our crazy crowd, pulled a razor blade out of his jeans, and proceeded to cut the flesh across his chest in 3 different areas. Is it fucked up that I found the trickling red liquid that ran down his lean stomach and dried up till there to be a beautiful contrast against the pale skin that colored his body? (Is that even a valid sentence...? It's too long..) I was drawn in more when I saw the blood that slowly oozed out from the middle of his mouth and formed spittle that hang down his face. I was fascinated with how the hell he made that happen. Angie explained it was due to his fishhooking. 2 more times I saw the blood came forth, but at the corners of his mouth. He wiped it away with the back of his hand and licked it up. He then reached for the blood across his chest and repeated the same ritual, after which he slowly licked around his lips in a counter-clockwise motion. His eyes looked glazed over as if he were full of so many emotions that I couldn't find names for, as if he was going to cry. I'd think "Kyo-sama, are you okay?" However, he did no such thing. He continued to inflict self mutilation on himself throughout the concert by beating himself against the forehead and the area a little ways below the collarbone with the microphone. He also picked up the crate he'd occassionally been standing on and chucked it at Shinya. I think he also played out a seizure. I just saw him kneeling really close near some black object (a stand of some sort I think?) near the front of the stage. Sometimes I couldn't see Kyo very well and I couldn't tell what he was doing. That made me sad ;_; waaaaaah! I spent most of the time paying attention to Kyo, interested in discovering what he was going to attempt next. Once everything began I found him to be one of the most beautiful creatures I'd ever watched. Here was this small-framed yet buff Japanese man shirtless and in jeans inflicting pain upon himself as if it were natural and unhurtful (I don't believe that's an actual word) and all I thought was that he was so beautiful? Surely there is something wrong with me.  I didn't pay a whole lot of attention to the others like I had wanted but I did at least notice that Die or the other guitarist (please dont' hit me ><) was spraying his water on people from his lips. The only song I knew that night  was "Saku", since I haven't listened to their newest albums and I dont' have a huge collection of their music to begin with sadly. However, I'll be working on changing that in the near future. The songs were all really cool, even if I couldn't hear what was being said half the time. During the encore, the band started throwing water bottles and pics into the audience. I was lucky enough to pick up a Toshiya pic! XD I saw it on the floor and then a girl's foot went down on it (she hadn't noticed it though) and I did what I could to get it out from underneath. Successful, I took the pic into my hands and in all glory quickly stuidied it before placing it in my left pocket for protection. Angie got part of a Shinya drumstick which she said her friend got for her. I bought a Dir en Grey wristband for 10 bucks (I really wanted some form of Merchandise. I was pissed I hadn't brought the money my sis gave me for my b-day with me cuz then I could've purchased the Whithering to Death Cd. It was only 15 bucks OMFG insanity! XD But there's no use crying over spilt milk. After hanging around a bit, Angie and I and some of our friends walked together until we had to split ways to return home. We got a little lost on the way home (I guess that must be the theme of the weekend) but we eventually arrived and that's the important thing. I was so hungry! And tired! Why am I still awake? Cuz I'm here on livejournal making an entry. So all in all, Dir en Grey was a pretty killer show. I don't even have words to truly describe it or justice it, but I'd definately see them again if they returned. Current Mood: indescribable Current Music: "Raison D'etre" (reason to be) Dir en Grey (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, February 17th, 2007
8:25 pm	And life continues to suck more listening to: "Namida drop" by Plastic Tree Mood: the world is FUBAR So, life continues to suck even more. My sister called me today to say that the dinner thing is off because by the time she and my other sister get off work, the place we'd be going to would be closing. We can't go early beacuse then Auntie Debby wouldn't be able to come. I told Dad and he pissed me off by saying that it wasn't important that Auntie Debby was there but that my sisters were. Gawd, certain family members are so fucked up sometimes...I swear, more and more these days I feel how my family is so Goddamned divided. It'll never be whole...and I'll never really know anyone.  This lady bought ALL of the fortune cookie fabric I wanted at work. GAWD DAMMIT ALL!!!!!!!!!!! Giovanna wanted me to go to the movies with her and her friends and one of her friends was gonna pay for everyone (that's so sweet >< ) but of course I couldn't go cuz of work and the movie started a half an hour before I got off work.  I'm seriously so fed up to the point that I'm not even going to really try hanging out with people anymore. Things just never work beacuse of my stupid schedule. Why the fuck does everyone else have so much free time? Don't any of you people have jobs? Sheesh...! Well anwyay, I've realized that working means I don't have time for people. I'm gonna go back to spending all my free time sewing on my machine and staying up all night so I can get lost in it and remember what it's like to not notice the world around me.  I need a pinata that's full of chocolate. Pinata's are perfect. You know why? Beacuse you have something to whack the shit out of and when that's over, you have comfort food. Yes, Pianata's are very swell... I don't even care anymore that I'm turning 20. Fuck getting older.  Am I allowed to curse on livejournal? (2 Comments |Comment on this)